Friday, May 22, 2015

Toonces' Last Wild Ride

This week's Flash Fiction Challenge is about car races, so naturally I had to go off the beaten (and tire-tread laden) path.  (Wayyy the fuck off.)  Please do enjoy.

Toonces Last Wild Ride

   He was at the end of his nine lives.  And they had all been good ones.
   Toonces, the cat who was world-renowned for his unique driving ability, was reflecting on his former lives.  All the female cats he loved, his owners who were entirely too trusting, and the time he went full-rebel and had to serve time in the slammer.
   And then, there was Spunky, his old rival.  He never knew what happened to Spunky.  One day, Toonces was enjoying a spirited game of table tennis with Spunky, and then, he just left and never came back.  His owners wouldn't tell him where he was, either.
   Toonces had driven over many cliffs in his former lives.  And they were all spectacular.
   His owners, God rest their souls, died a few years ago.  Toonces ran away after he saw them being removed from the house.  He didn't know what would happen to him if the authorities found him in that house, what with his arrest record and all.
   Alone, he walked the streets at night.  He followed the smell of warm food wafting behind restaurants.  Toonces caught the rats and birds that wandered in the alleyways.  He even found a friend who fed him every night.
   The Old Lady was a kind and loving woman.  She would put out warm milk and cat food out every night to make sure he didn't go hungry.
   Even though he no longer lived under a roof, Toonces lived like a king.  Every need the beautiful black and white Tabby had was seen to by The Old Lady.  She would even let him in during nights that were cold or extremely wet.  He would always be gone by morning, though.  He was done living the domestic life.
   Toonces was enjoying things as they were, until one fateful night.  He walked down 6th Street in the early evening, as he always did, and smelled that something was terribly wrong.
   He crept up to The Old Lady's doorway, and saw her lying in a pool of blood in her own living room.  Death had already taken her in his final, cold embrace.  Toonces lowered his head in respect for his one and only friend.
   Suddenly, he heard a crash in one of the back rooms.  He slinked inside to investigate further, and followed the source of the noise.
   Two large men dressed in black were rifling through her things.  They didn't belong there.  He recognized the smell -- he had smelled them on The Old Lady's body as she lay dead in the other room.  They were her killers.
   Toonces hid, watching The Intruders.  He knew he needed to avenge The Old Lady.  And he knew exactly how.
   He followed the men as they snuck out of the house.  Creeping along the rain gutters outside, Toonces could hear them bragging in the alleyway a few blocks away as he grew closer.
   "Man, that old bitch was loaded!"
   "Wait 'til we cash this shit in!  We's gon' be rich!  I don't know 'bout you, but I'm gon' git turnt up tonight!"
   The only "turning up" this bastard is gonna do is "turning up" dead, Toonces thought to himself as his eyes shifted from left to right, surveying the area.
   A 2015 Ford Cobra, jet black with lime green leather interior, pulled up to let The Intruders in.  The driver laughed as they told him about The Old Lady.
   As the car started to peel off, a beer bottle hit the windshield, causing a small crack on the passenger side.
   "What the fuck!"  The driver screamed as he slammed on the breaks, put the car in park, and stepped out fully prepared for a fight.  "Brad, if that's you, you better come out and face me, motherfucker!  I'm gettin' real sick of your shit, fool!"
   Toonces pounced.  With his jagged, untrimmed claws, he slit open the driver's jugular vein.  The driver screamed and fell to the ground as blood spurted from his neck.
   The Intruders were too busy smoking a joint in the car and laughing at each others' jokes to notice what happened.  It wasn't until Toonces started driving the car, erratically, that The Intruders noticed anything was off.
   "Yo, Andy!  Where'd the fuck you learn how to drive?  You been drinking or somethin'?"
    Toonces turned around to look at the pothead murderers, a menacing gleam in his eye.
   The Intruders suddenly sobered up and screamed in mutual panic.
   "What the fuck?!?  What the fucking fuck?"
   A knowing smile crept across Toonces' face.  It was like all his previous lives had been a dress rehearsal for this one.  This was the one that really counted.  It was time for Toonces to meet his destiny.
   He pushed a brick onto the gas pedal and sailed toward the edge of the neighborhood.  Dodging cars and pedestrians, he sped through red lights and stop signs alike.
   A squad car turned on its lights and tailed the Cobra.  Toonces made no attempt to slow down.
   "Slow down and pull off the road.  This is the police," a loudspeaker blared.
   But Toonces didn't give a fuck.
   More squad cars joined in the chase.  Toonces swerved through a busy intersection, barely dodging an 18-wheeler.  The police car directly behind him was not so lucky, colliding into the truck at 85 miles per hour, demolishing the cars powerful chassis.  The other squad cars behind it had to swerve to avoid hitting it.  One ran into a nearby storefront, another slammed into a young couple on the crosswalk.
   Another squad car made it around and through the madness, and hightailed it for the runaway car.
   Toonces couldn't look back.  He had to keep going toward his fate.
   He turned onto the road leading to his destination.  The street ended at the edge of town, right before a sharp cliff.
   The Intruders were begging for their lives.
   "Please, don't kill us!  We'll give you anything!"
   "Yeah, we got diamonds and shit!  We'll give you whatever you want!"
   Toonces didn't have any need for diamonds, and their pleas only managed to disgust him.  Begging was for dogs.
   Racing past a trailer park, Toonces found a NOS button under the armrest.  Accelerating to a blinding speed, the car clumsily careened toward the end of the street.
   Toonces could barely keep the powerful car on the road.  It fishtailed and burst through a barricade at the end of the street.  Shards of orange and white-colored wood went flying.  A construction sign that read, "Dead End," made a few aerial flips before it finally landed next to the rotting remains of an armadillo carcass.
   "Damn," said a man enjoying a beer outside his trailer home.  He and his friend got a good look at the driver and his panicking passengers right before the NOS kicked in.  "That cat can drive!"
   "Yes, he can," his friend replied, spitting tobacco juice into his empty beer can as the car plummeted over the cliff and exploded into a ball of fire.
   "But not very well."

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